I'm very blessed in my church. I think that I can confidently say I go to the church with the absolute best group of kids in the world. We are all so different it's hard to believe, but as a general rule we also all get along quite well.
Why am I bringing this up?
Because of something that has united a lot of us recently, and to my shame I have not been as active in as I should be.
That is to say, charity.
Our charity of choice is World Vision, an organization that helps needy families from literally all over the world. They provide resources for people - farm animals that will produce milk, chickens to lay eggs, fresh water fountains - rather than just "helping them out now".
Over the past two or so years, many of the kids in our church, especially the junior-high (now mostly highschool) class - about 6-8 girls and one boy - have raised over a thousand (probably closer to two thousand if not over that much)dollars toward charity through their own donations, yard sales, bake sales, and other fund raising events. I've helped some with this, but as I said earlier, not nearly enough.
This leads me to say three things.
1. I'm immensely proud of these kids, one of whom is my sister. They are making a difference in the world. They have helped people, raised awareness, and had fun through the whole process. They are not doing this because they have to, or for a school project of any sort - they're doing it because it is WHAT they want to be doing. How amazing is that?
2. Things are wrong in the world - and most of us have so much to be thankful for. The people these donations are going to cannot simply update their blog whenever they want. They don't have the luxury of ranting online, nor the privilege of making friends all over the world like I have. They have, quite literally, nothing. That is a concept that is nearly impossible for me to grasp. It probably is for you too, seeing as you obviously at least have access to a computer - though most of you have home computers/laptops, or even your own computer.
3. There are people out there who are willing to help. It's hard to remember that sometimes, but it is true. No matter what problems you are having, someone will be there for you. I have found many wonderful people to be there for me, and most of them I would consider my best friends. Even when you don't have the wonderful honor to know the people who are there for you on a personal level, they are there. Workers in hospitals, social workers, people from halfway around the world who are willing to give their money to help your family - they are there.
So please, don't give up hope.
~Not Caroline
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Therapy
We all use it. Some have different methods than others; but we all have it. For one person it might be shopping. For another, it might be playing Call of Duty . Whatever it is, we all have a form of therapy-- a way to deal with negative emotions. I have many forms of therapy; the ones I use the most are drawing and playing piano. ( as an aside, have you ever tried pounding your heart out on a set of ivories while your nose is running and you're wailing like an infant? It's very difficult.) I would have to say art is my first choice for letting out bad feelings-- it's a directly emotion-influenced outlet that is a lasting record of your mindset. Here's an example:
It's not perfect. It's not supposed to be. It's simply a visualization of my feelings; a channel for all the anxiety and frustration I keep inside sometimes.
Another recent pick of mine would be poetry.
Let me just say this flat out: I don't like writing poems. It's not that I hate writing, or that I have a lack of subject matter, I just think it's kind of a pathetic way of dealing with hardship. However, just this once, I broke my own rule ( insert gasps of shock here) and wrote a couplet.
It wasn't supposed to be a couplet. It was originally going to be a quatrain. But whatever. A couplet works just as well.
STRENGTH
There are some days when I may look as though I do not care
But don't let this deceive you; the tears and smiles are there
I know this mask of nonchalant indifference is cheap
But sometimes I don't want to let the others see me weep
By pushing all the pain away, what really am I solving?
I can't get up, I can't move on if I just keep on crawling
You can't put out the fire if you don't accept the burns
For some pathetic reason though, I just can't seem to learn.
"Weakness is a sign of fear, a sign of base defect."
If this be true, then let me be apart from all the rest
True strength is not the loss of every feeling, joy, and pain
It's the skill to keep on smiling when you're stranded in the rain.
Therapy-- what's yours?
Ad Astra Per Aspera.
~Caroline
It's not perfect. It's not supposed to be. It's simply a visualization of my feelings; a channel for all the anxiety and frustration I keep inside sometimes.
Another recent pick of mine would be poetry.
Let me just say this flat out: I don't like writing poems. It's not that I hate writing, or that I have a lack of subject matter, I just think it's kind of a pathetic way of dealing with hardship. However, just this once, I broke my own rule ( insert gasps of shock here) and wrote a couplet.
It wasn't supposed to be a couplet. It was originally going to be a quatrain. But whatever. A couplet works just as well.
STRENGTH
There are some days when I may look as though I do not care
But don't let this deceive you; the tears and smiles are there
I know this mask of nonchalant indifference is cheap
But sometimes I don't want to let the others see me weep
By pushing all the pain away, what really am I solving?
I can't get up, I can't move on if I just keep on crawling
You can't put out the fire if you don't accept the burns
For some pathetic reason though, I just can't seem to learn.
"Weakness is a sign of fear, a sign of base defect."
If this be true, then let me be apart from all the rest
True strength is not the loss of every feeling, joy, and pain
It's the skill to keep on smiling when you're stranded in the rain.
Therapy-- what's yours?
Ad Astra Per Aspera.
~Caroline
Friday, August 19, 2011
He Will Make All Things New
Dear readers, Let me just reiterate that you are very dear.
If you were not very dear, I would not let you read this.
But you are dear. So I will let you read this.
If you're reading this blog, I assume you know me. You're probably aware of some of the good, bad, and very, very ugly events of my life.
Today, I would like to tell you about a very,very good one.
However, it might not be the kind of good news you'd expect.
A very important part of my life has changed.
And before you even start, No, I am not pregnant, catholic, or dying.
I'm simply changing my obligations and focusing on other things.
In other words, I'm not really in a relationship anymore.
Now before you get up in arms and get ready to chew someone out, let me ask you to refrain. I'm so glad things turned out this way. So is the other person involved. Life became too stressful for us and at our age, the obligations were just too much. I'm proud of the guy I love, and I think he made an extremely mature decision. Whoever he ends up with, be it me or someone else, she will be a very lucky woman indeed.
Do we still like each other? Yes.
But that's not the important part. We are best friends, first and foremost, and that's all that we will focus on for now.
Let me tell you what happened last night.
I was surprisingly happy at how things turned out, although there was a slight twinge of sadness. I guess the best way to explain it was that my brain was perfectly happy and content, but my heart was stuck in the pit of my stomach. I knew things were happening for the better, but at the same time I knew I'd miss the way they were. At that point, I knew what I had to do. I turned my nightstand light on and reached for my Bible. Normally when I need a quick uplifting, I'll go for the Psalms. So I turned to the Book of Psalms, and read the first one I stopped on.
What a perfect passage.
"Then I realized that my heart was bitter,
and I was all torn up inside.I was so foolish and ignorant—I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." Psalm 73: 21-26
After I read that, I turned off my light and thanked God for being who He is. I thanked Him for holding my right hand and guiding me. He knew what I needed better than I did. He will make all things new.
Ad astra per aspera, dear readers.
~Caroline
If you were not very dear, I would not let you read this.
But you are dear. So I will let you read this.
If you're reading this blog, I assume you know me. You're probably aware of some of the good, bad, and very, very ugly events of my life.
Today, I would like to tell you about a very,very good one.
However, it might not be the kind of good news you'd expect.
A very important part of my life has changed.
And before you even start, No, I am not pregnant, catholic, or dying.
I'm simply changing my obligations and focusing on other things.
In other words, I'm not really in a relationship anymore.
Now before you get up in arms and get ready to chew someone out, let me ask you to refrain. I'm so glad things turned out this way. So is the other person involved. Life became too stressful for us and at our age, the obligations were just too much. I'm proud of the guy I love, and I think he made an extremely mature decision. Whoever he ends up with, be it me or someone else, she will be a very lucky woman indeed.
Do we still like each other? Yes.
But that's not the important part. We are best friends, first and foremost, and that's all that we will focus on for now.
Let me tell you what happened last night.
I was surprisingly happy at how things turned out, although there was a slight twinge of sadness. I guess the best way to explain it was that my brain was perfectly happy and content, but my heart was stuck in the pit of my stomach. I knew things were happening for the better, but at the same time I knew I'd miss the way they were. At that point, I knew what I had to do. I turned my nightstand light on and reached for my Bible. Normally when I need a quick uplifting, I'll go for the Psalms. So I turned to the Book of Psalms, and read the first one I stopped on.
What a perfect passage.
"Then I realized that my heart was bitter,
and I was all torn up inside.I was so foolish and ignorant—I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." Psalm 73: 21-26
After I read that, I turned off my light and thanked God for being who He is. I thanked Him for holding my right hand and guiding me. He knew what I needed better than I did. He will make all things new.
Ad astra per aspera, dear readers.
~Caroline
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Kangaroos Came Into This on Accident
Once upon a time, a young man lived in a forest all alone. Most young men live in cities, or towns, or at least in a forest with someone to keep them company. But not this one. There were a few occasional bears, or even a kangaroo, but nothing much more than that. A small family of mice lived only a mile away, and he went to visit them sometimes when he had run out of anything else to do. However, as a whole, it was a rather boring life. It seemed rather like this young man would move into town, so he could see people, but he didn't. Namely because where he lived, there weren't any towns.
Now that might seem odd to the average reader, namely because it is indeed odd. But since most things in life are odd to some extent or another, we'll leave it at one more oddity and move on. What might you move on to in a rather uneventful story of a man living completely alone in the woods who seems to have appeared there one day and whose only friends are a family of mice and a few stray large mammals? Well, for one thing, there is his name. We haven't mentioned that yet.
Now, you might well wonder what a man living in the middle of a forest with all those things mentioned a few times above might do with a name. First, he had it above his door (which presents another topic we can move onto later - his house) and had carefully engraved it onto all his dishes and embroidered it onto all his clothes. Now, this may indeed seem strange, since there was no one else with which he could get his laundry mixed up with. He always hoped someone would come along though, and so whenever a new article of clothing was achieved, he embroidered his name on it.
Achieved you say? Yes, in this part of the world, clothing was most certainly achieved. In fact, it was hunted down and subdued before becoming even remotely wearable. Thus, many of his clothes had holes in them before he even started wearing them, especially the tougher ones like overcoats and button down vests. They always resisted being caught. He could understand the overcoats, but it must simply have been pride that kept the vests from surrendering sooner. Very prideful types, vests. Much higher class than a mere T-shirt or some other commonplace creature.
He would usually do laundry once a month (he was an accomplished hunter, and had quite an extensive wardrobe) on whichever day he thought was probably the first of the month. Most of the time he was wrong, but since he didn't know that we'll leave him be. Laundry day was the best and worst day of the period he declared a month. It was good, because he suddenly ad a renewed wardrobe full of freshly washed and subdued clothes. It was bad, because he had to wash and subdue all the clothes.
First he had to take any he was currently wearing off. This isn't really very shocking at all, since there was no one to see him (except his clothes.) He put them all in a basket and carried them down to the river, where he flipped the basket upside down before the clothes caught sight of the water. Then, one at a time, he'd pull an article out and wash it, before tying it up securely and hanging it to mellow. After the clothes were mellowed, he could think about drying them.
So it happened that one day this young man was out washing and subduing his clothes. He had only a few measly articles left, most of the more prideful and tough ones having already been finished. (He wore a lot of prideful clothes, since he prided himself on being a good hunter.)
And we'll leave you there for now, but maybe something else will happen. You'll have to look closely though, his country has a tendency to disappear.
~Not Caroline
Now that might seem odd to the average reader, namely because it is indeed odd. But since most things in life are odd to some extent or another, we'll leave it at one more oddity and move on. What might you move on to in a rather uneventful story of a man living completely alone in the woods who seems to have appeared there one day and whose only friends are a family of mice and a few stray large mammals? Well, for one thing, there is his name. We haven't mentioned that yet.
Now, you might well wonder what a man living in the middle of a forest with all those things mentioned a few times above might do with a name. First, he had it above his door (which presents another topic we can move onto later - his house) and had carefully engraved it onto all his dishes and embroidered it onto all his clothes. Now, this may indeed seem strange, since there was no one else with which he could get his laundry mixed up with. He always hoped someone would come along though, and so whenever a new article of clothing was achieved, he embroidered his name on it.
Achieved you say? Yes, in this part of the world, clothing was most certainly achieved. In fact, it was hunted down and subdued before becoming even remotely wearable. Thus, many of his clothes had holes in them before he even started wearing them, especially the tougher ones like overcoats and button down vests. They always resisted being caught. He could understand the overcoats, but it must simply have been pride that kept the vests from surrendering sooner. Very prideful types, vests. Much higher class than a mere T-shirt or some other commonplace creature.
He would usually do laundry once a month (he was an accomplished hunter, and had quite an extensive wardrobe) on whichever day he thought was probably the first of the month. Most of the time he was wrong, but since he didn't know that we'll leave him be. Laundry day was the best and worst day of the period he declared a month. It was good, because he suddenly ad a renewed wardrobe full of freshly washed and subdued clothes. It was bad, because he had to wash and subdue all the clothes.
First he had to take any he was currently wearing off. This isn't really very shocking at all, since there was no one to see him (except his clothes.) He put them all in a basket and carried them down to the river, where he flipped the basket upside down before the clothes caught sight of the water. Then, one at a time, he'd pull an article out and wash it, before tying it up securely and hanging it to mellow. After the clothes were mellowed, he could think about drying them.
So it happened that one day this young man was out washing and subduing his clothes. He had only a few measly articles left, most of the more prideful and tough ones having already been finished. (He wore a lot of prideful clothes, since he prided himself on being a good hunter.)
And we'll leave you there for now, but maybe something else will happen. You'll have to look closely though, his country has a tendency to disappear.
~Not Caroline
Monday, August 8, 2011
Have You Ever Noticed....
...That in order for a plant to produce fruit, a flower has to die?
In order for the plant to distribute that fruit, it has to fall from the branch?
And in order for the seeds within that fruit to grow, the fruit itself must perish?
Now I'm not about to get all metaphysical on you and say that "life is a great cycle" and "we are all one" or anything, but I think it's very important to remember that death is never the ultimate end of anything. Now this death can be the literal ending of life, or it can be the termination of something else: a relationship, a journey, a book series.
I will not sit here ( or lie here, rather; I wrote this post in bed last night around 10 PM) and tell you that death should be a joyful thing and if you're not partying after your fish gives up the ghost, you're a loser. I've known a fair share of losses over the short span of my 15-year-old life, and I can't say I really enjoyed any of them. However, I learned more during those moments of crisis than I ever have in the days when everything was hunky dory.
If you're going through a rough time or experiencing a loss, I feel for you. Really. I will cry with you, if you want. But keep your chin up, and try to focus on what you've gained instead of what you have to live without.
Ad Astra Per Aspera
~Caroline
P.S, one very important exception to this rule:
Nothing good will ever come from the end of Doctor Who.It is my firm belief that the angels in heaven will weep tears of crystal when that show concludes. Then again, I might get my homework done more efficiently without it....but is that really a good thing?
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Hoping
Dear readers, I'm going to let you in on a little secret of life:
It really sucks sometimes.
There are days where things really just don't go our way. It can be big things: You flunk the test, you break your arm, you drop a vat of syrup on the floor and ruin your favorite skateboard.
Or it could be a little thing: you broke your pencil, you bent a fingernail, you just got halfway through your favorite video game and a stupid boss killed you so you have to start all over which will take you a good hour or so ( wait, maybe that should be in the "big thing" category)... the list goes on and on.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not here to whine and complain. This blog is not a venting outlet. I'm simply stating a fact of existence.
Now, that being said, what can we do about it?
Well, there's two ways of dealing with the suckingness of our time on this sinful little planet.
1. We can embrace it with negativity
Okay. Just saying right now, I'm not going to spend precious paragraphs of my time bashing negativity. The fact is, I know quite a few people who say "the glass is half empty" and enjoy their lives very much (*coughcoughMarkcoughcough*). I might not understand their point of view, but I respect it. If they want to rain on their own parade, who am I to say they can't? It's their parade after all. I probably wouldn't appreciate them saturating on my celebrations, but if they did I would acknowledge their opinion and stick with my own. As long as being gloomy about things floats your boat and doesn't drastically negate your spiritual growth, I'm all for it. But just remember to bring an umbrella next time you go outside.
2. We can embrace it with positivity
To be honest, I think hope is a beautiful thing. ( If your first name is Hope and you happen to be reading this, that means you too. In a no-homo way.) I love movie characters who show exceptional resilience to bad circumstances. Take Harvey Dent, for example. Sure, Sure, he ended up losing his marbles and turning into a villain. But still. I think he had a lot of good things to say before the Joker got to him.
"The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming."
I've definitely been through my share of junk. There have been times where I've just wanted to curl up in a ball and self-destruct. But in retrospect, I've been so blessed. I have amazing friends, a good family, a lovely Playstation 2 console who loves me unconditionally, and a God who never gives up on me.
Wow. Now that I think about it, playing PS2 far outweighs the perks of self-destruction.
In closing, I just want to remind you all, in the words of Ignitus from the Legend of Spyro trilogy, "Even in the darkest of times, there is always hope."
There will always be a light to hang on to. Maybe you can't always see it, but even the knowledge that ultraviolet light simply exists can be comforting.
“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?”
Ad astra per aspera.
~Caroline
It really sucks sometimes.
There are days where things really just don't go our way. It can be big things: You flunk the test, you break your arm, you drop a vat of syrup on the floor and ruin your favorite skateboard.
Or it could be a little thing: you broke your pencil, you bent a fingernail, you just got halfway through your favorite video game and a stupid boss killed you so you have to start all over which will take you a good hour or so ( wait, maybe that should be in the "big thing" category)... the list goes on and on.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not here to whine and complain. This blog is not a venting outlet. I'm simply stating a fact of existence.
Now, that being said, what can we do about it?
Well, there's two ways of dealing with the suckingness of our time on this sinful little planet.
1. We can embrace it with negativity
Okay. Just saying right now, I'm not going to spend precious paragraphs of my time bashing negativity. The fact is, I know quite a few people who say "the glass is half empty" and enjoy their lives very much (*coughcoughMarkcoughcough*). I might not understand their point of view, but I respect it. If they want to rain on their own parade, who am I to say they can't? It's their parade after all. I probably wouldn't appreciate them saturating on my celebrations, but if they did I would acknowledge their opinion and stick with my own. As long as being gloomy about things floats your boat and doesn't drastically negate your spiritual growth, I'm all for it. But just remember to bring an umbrella next time you go outside.
2. We can embrace it with positivity
To be honest, I think hope is a beautiful thing. ( If your first name is Hope and you happen to be reading this, that means you too. In a no-homo way.) I love movie characters who show exceptional resilience to bad circumstances. Take Harvey Dent, for example. Sure, Sure, he ended up losing his marbles and turning into a villain. But still. I think he had a lot of good things to say before the Joker got to him.
"The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming."
I've definitely been through my share of junk. There have been times where I've just wanted to curl up in a ball and self-destruct. But in retrospect, I've been so blessed. I have amazing friends, a good family, a lovely Playstation 2 console who loves me unconditionally, and a God who never gives up on me.
Wow. Now that I think about it, playing PS2 far outweighs the perks of self-destruction.
In closing, I just want to remind you all, in the words of Ignitus from the Legend of Spyro trilogy, "Even in the darkest of times, there is always hope."
There will always be a light to hang on to. Maybe you can't always see it, but even the knowledge that ultraviolet light simply exists can be comforting.
“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?”
Ad astra per aspera.
~Caroline
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
"It's not who you are inside, it's what you do that defines who you are. "
I grew up on fantasy adventure stories. Redwall was always one of my favorites, but I also liked stories about King Arthur or Robin Hood or Narnia. Anything full of sword fights and sinister villians, action and magic, trickery and saviors, damsels in distress and their brave knights. All of these stories has a hero. Martin the Warrior from Redwall, King Arthur and Robin from their respective stories, Aslan and the children from Narnia, so on and so forth.
But what really is a hero?
All I know for sure is that I want to be one. When I was little I wanted to be a brave sword fighter, a upright mercenary, a mysterious do-gooder. Although that still definitely appeals to me, I want to be a hero in the world I live in right now. I try, but I don't know how most of the time. You hear stories about brave individuals, such as the firemen who helped save people in 9/11 at the cost of their own lives, or the pilot that landed the plane on the river, saving all the passengers. But most of the time those opportunities don't present themselves to people. I want to be a hero every day of my life. I want to make a difference to people around me, I want to be their hero.
~Not Caroline
But what really is a hero?
All I know for sure is that I want to be one. When I was little I wanted to be a brave sword fighter, a upright mercenary, a mysterious do-gooder. Although that still definitely appeals to me, I want to be a hero in the world I live in right now. I try, but I don't know how most of the time. You hear stories about brave individuals, such as the firemen who helped save people in 9/11 at the cost of their own lives, or the pilot that landed the plane on the river, saving all the passengers. But most of the time those opportunities don't present themselves to people. I want to be a hero every day of my life. I want to make a difference to people around me, I want to be their hero.
~Not Caroline
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